How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Randomize
