At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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