Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
