I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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