I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you inspire me to be a worse person
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
