Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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