She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
