does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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