I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
