I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
