she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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