I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
