i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
