If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
