ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
