Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
