I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
