Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
