I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
