i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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