Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
