I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
