Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
