I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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