I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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