Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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