he looks like a really good dad on facebook
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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