hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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