so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
