fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
