So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
