Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
