this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He passed out mid-signature
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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