I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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