Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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