Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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