I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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