he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
