i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
