The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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