My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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