Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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