It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
