And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
