I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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