Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Randomize
