I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
