I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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