Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
