we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
