you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
