This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
